Philadelphia Sports Fans

Ooooh, what a happy coincidence.



For the longest time on the memo pad of my cell phone I have had, "Philly Sports fans..." You see, I use the memo pad on my cell phone when I think of an idea for a rate, this way I can always go back to something in my little rating archives. For one reason or another, I hadn't gotten a chance to rate the Philadelphia Sports fans.



The majority view the Philadelphia Sports fan as a rabid, passionate fanbase. One which is truly diehard. The majority has mistaken being an asshole as being passionate.



The Philadelphia sports fans are - in a word - assholes.



There are passionate fans all throughout the country. (I like to think cold weater cities have more passionate fanbases because there is less to do in the winter time but pine over your sports teams.) Look at New York. Granted, I hate New York teams, but I give their fans credit. The Knick fans are crazy passionate. So are the Yankee fans. Look at Boston. God, how do I hate the Boston teams, but I give the fans credit, they are passionate.



Look at Minnesota, Cleveland, Detroit, St. Louis and of course, Chicago. All have very invested sports fans that live and die with their pro teams. (Ok, maybe the St. Louis Rams fans are fair-weathered, but the Cardinal fans are good people.)



So what seperates the sports fans of Philadelphia? What makes them assholes and not simply passionate? A long list of hostile stupidity.



- For starters, their baseball team drafted a young prospect by the name of J.D. Drew. When he refused to sign for them because he wanted more money, they took it personal. How personal? They threw fucking batteries at him when he played in Philadelphia. That's not being a good fan...that's being a terrible person. God forbid the guy went somewhere else to make more money. I would've done that too. Its a business to these guys but the Philly fans acted like J.D. Drew raped their grandmothers.



- Oh yeah, they also boo'd Donavon McNabb the second the Eagles drafted him in 1999. Why? Because they wanted Stoner Ricky Williams instead. McNabb went on to start for them for 10 straight years, while Ricky Williams is most notable for getting high on the beaches of New Zealand. Did the Philadelphia fans come to grips that McNabb was the best player they could have drafted? Did they make up for it by wildly cheering for him and defending him? Did they praise him for getting them to the Superbowl?



Nope. They boo'd him relentlessly. They blamed him for every loss no matter how well he played and called him a choke artist. They forget to mention they would never ever be in any big games without him, because that would be darn-right logical. Then they forced McNabb out of town to make way for a totally inexperienced quarterback.



- http://www.thiswebsiteisunderrated.com/ also has an exclusive report that Philadelphia fans came to opening day of the Washington Nationals and boo'd Ryan Zimmerman when it was announced he won the gold glove. THEY BOO'D RYAN FUCKING ZIMMERMAN! Why did they do this? The Phillies didn't have a great fielding third basemen that got screwed out of the award. The Nationals are not the Phillies rivals. Ryan Zimmerman by all accounts is a very polite, law abiding young man. There is absolutely no reason to boo him for winning an award. But there go Philadelphia sports fans again. Those "passionate" "diehard" fans doing what they do best - being assholes.



Its only fitting that the most beloved hockey team in the history of Philadelphia had the nickname the "Broadstreet Bullies." A team that thugged their way into winning the Stanley Cup Championship in the 1970's. A team full of complete assholes to be cheered upon by the asshole fans that reside on Philadelphia. It all makes too much sense.



But oooh, happy....happy coincidence. You see in a few short days those Philadelphia Flyers will be coming to Chicago. Those Philadelphia Flyers will be playing the Chicago Blackhawks for the coolest trophy in all of sports; The Stanley Cup.



Friends, late the hate begin.



Philly fans, you know what I was happy about?


When Apollo Creed beat Rocky in Rocky I.


When Charles Barkley left your crappy team for Phoenix and became an MVP.


When Donovan McNabb lights you up next year. (It hasn't happened yet, but it will.)


When T.O. destroyed your team.


When you hitched your wagon to Allen Iverson's star and never won shit.


When Joe Carter hit a walk-off home run to win the world series against you.



And you know something? Don't blame me when....



Patrick Kane, Patrick Sharp and Marion Hossa skate circles over you.



When Dustin Byfuglien blocks the vision of your goalie every single game.



When Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook don't let you assholes breath on offense.



When you try to out-muscle the Hawks (cause you sure as shit can't outplay them) the line of Madden, Burish and Eager punch you square in the mouth right back.



When Jonathan Toews lifts the Stanley Cup trophy over his head...and your team heads to the locker room defeated.



Don't blame me when it happens. You deserve every bad tragic sports related thing that happens to you...because your assholes. The Blackhawks are going to kick your ass..and you had it coming, bitches. (ps, to my brother in law who is a Philadelphia fan...i'm sorry, but I am NOT sorry.)

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