Fuck you Nickelback, you talentless nauseating sack of monkey-shit. Fuck you and your crappy Scott Stapp impersonating Eddie Vedder impersonation. Fuck you and your overproduced three-chord singles that all sound exactly the same. Fuck your long hair and your stupid face. Fuck your multiple platinum records and your million dollars. Fuck your photographs. They don't make me laugh.
Nickelback is an abortion of a band that has somehow become one of the top-selling acts of the new century. Formed in 1995, Nickelback has made a name for themselves by churning out the same cliched grunge song for the past 15 years. Somehow they keep becoming massive hits. Maybe it's due to the nuanced guitar work or the introspective lyrics. Oh wait, it can't be that because neither of those things have every appeared on a Nickelback album. They are filled with lines like this:
"I like the freckles on your chest
I love the way you like me best
I like the way your not impressed
While you put me to the test
I love the white stains on your dress"
It's like Chad Kroeger picked up a rhyming dictionary for fourth graders and picked out the five rhymes that were featured. Then in order to make it "grown-up" and "edgy" he decided to make a reference to semen. Real classy move there, Chad.
You know what the worst part is? That is the formula that he uses for the entire song. A bunch of terrible rhymes, then a euphemistic nod to something naught.y Chad, you devil, you.
I love the way you like me best
I like the way your not impressed
While you put me to the test
I love the white stains on your dress"
It's like Chad Kroeger picked up a rhyming dictionary for fourth graders and picked out the five rhymes that were featured. Then in order to make it "grown-up" and "edgy" he decided to make a reference to semen. Real classy move there, Chad.
You know what the worst part is? That is the formula that he uses for the entire song. A bunch of terrible rhymes, then a euphemistic nod to something naught.y Chad, you devil, you.
"I love the places that we go
I love the people that you know
I love the way you can't say no
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose"
Wow. Go, know, no, row, and no(se). That is even worse. Three of the five rhymes in this are essentially the same word. This was on top of the Billboard Mainstream Rock chart for thirteen weeks. Thirteen fucking weeks.
I'd be willing to forgive Chad and the boys if this only happened once and a while. Almost all of the bands I do like have a song or two that suck. It happens. If you look through the archives of this blog, Tom and I suck a fair amount too. It's ok, we're human. It's just that for Chad Kroeger his natural inclination is to suck. All of his songs suck. He's just a sucker. He's one who sucks. Perpetually steeped in suckitude.
"I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight bodyguards that love to beat up assholes."
I love the people that you know
I love the way you can't say no
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose"
Wow. Go, know, no, row, and no(se). That is even worse. Three of the five rhymes in this are essentially the same word. This was on top of the Billboard Mainstream Rock chart for thirteen weeks. Thirteen fucking weeks.
I'd be willing to forgive Chad and the boys if this only happened once and a while. Almost all of the bands I do like have a song or two that suck. It happens. If you look through the archives of this blog, Tom and I suck a fair amount too. It's ok, we're human. It's just that for Chad Kroeger his natural inclination is to suck. All of his songs suck. He's just a sucker. He's one who sucks. Perpetually steeped in suckitude.
"I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight bodyguards that love to beat up assholes."
Honestly, what was his reaction when he wrote these lyrics? Did he chuckle to himself? Did he think, "oh man, that one was a winner"? Or was he just proud that he was able to rhyme two words that weren't "no" and "go"? Any other self-respecting artist would flush the notebook down the toilet, quit music, and get a job serving tables at Steak 'n' Shake.
That's where you belong, Nickelback. A fucking Steak 'n' Shake.
Oh, by the way, they're Canadian. CANADIAN. I rest my case.
VERDICT:
OVERRATED
That's where you belong, Nickelback. A fucking Steak 'n' Shake.
Oh, by the way, they're Canadian. CANADIAN. I rest my case.
VERDICT:
OVERRATED
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYES!
ReplyDeleteThe most shocking thing about this rate is it took Rizzo this long to rate Nickelback.
In the time i've known Rizzo he is a pretty carefree person 99 percent of the time...the 1 percent is when he thinks about Nickelback. You really do have a pure, raw hatred for this band.
And I love it.
Music week at www.thiswebsiteisunderrated.com !
I agree completely. I hate Nickelback. And so does Portugal.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7F3O6WYfHQ
- Johnny H
while we're in music week, what's the deal with the superbowl halftime show? The Who!? Really? those three are the latest in a parade of over the hill rockers with cracking voices(sorry bruce, you're borderline) and keith moon was probably a denver f*ckin broncos fan(he just doesn't know anything about football). speaking of my generation, when is their generation gonna die off and let us just play their cd's at the halftime show?!
ReplyDelete(sorry, that was way more breath than i meant to waste)
Well, I like the Who.
ReplyDeleteBut, I understand where your coming from. I think the problem is that the music of "our generation" is a little too racy for primetime. I remember a certain incident with a certain left titty.
That being said, we could consider lowering the bar to more current over the hill rockers. I'm thinking like Pearl Jam or the Red Hot Chili Peppers. That might be fun.
hey looky here. i'm not Who-hater. never have been. granted i didn't even really know who pete townshend was until just last year, when i thought i'd written THE next hit single(G D C baby!) and someone told me it was "let my love open the door" and that i'd probably stolen it from that crappy steve carrel movie where he plays it for his brother's girlfriend who he really loves but can't do anything about cause it's his brother's woman and all and it just tears him up inside. point is, the crowd's gettin restless. we want chilly willy! we want chilly willy! (or lil wayne).
ReplyDeleteoh, and i thought we'd moved passed the whole nipple-gate thing.
Dude a Chilly willy Lil WAyne Superbowl concert would be AWESOME. Too bad Lil Wayne is incarcerated.
ReplyDeleteand too bad lil wayne has bad teeth, even with all the bling in it. if you want bad teeth, go british. hey, The Who are british...
ReplyDeleteDon't Get Fooled Again would be AWESOME played at the superblow.
nickle back is awesome!
ReplyDelete