Payphones

Yesterday, in the comments section of his post concerning random thoughts, Tom-O made a comment that I found offensive as well as grossly inaccurate. He claimed that there is, and I'm paraphrasing here, "nothing more dated and creepy than a payphone".

Well, la-di-dah Mr. Big Shot Cell Phone User.

Seems like someone forgot the young man who used to carry a piece of paper in his pocket with all of his friends numbers written on them. Seems like someone has forgotten about that trusty payphone in the lobby of good ol' Bryan Middle School. The one we'd use to call home for rides after cross country and track. You know, dial 1-800-Collect and when they ask for your name say as fast as you could, "momthisistomi'mdonewithcrosscountrycomepickmeup" and then hang up so nobody had to pay the charges.

Looks like someone is just a little out of touch, mister.

The pay phone is a dying art. And it's up to us, dear readers to keep it alive.

Look, first good thing about the payphone is it forces you to remember people's numbers. If you need to contact someone, you need to know how. Not just pressing a button in a cellphone. The person I talk to most often would be my girlfriend, a very nice young lady living in New York. I live in Elmhurst, which is very close to Chicago. In order to maintain our healthy relationship, we have to spend a large amount of time on the phone. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HER TELEPHONE NUMBER IS. I don't even know the area code. So if I forget my cellphone or it runs out of batteries, guess who doesn't get a call to say goodnight.

That's another thing. You can't forget a payphone. They are just there. Kind of like a backup plan. Last night I had to pick up my brother from play practice. He forgot to bring his cellphone. If there was a payphone, this would've been no problem, he could have called me when it was over. No. I just guessed when it was over. I sat for an hour and a half in the lobby of an Elementary school. Not fun.

Payphones can't give you cancer. I can't prove that cell phones do, but they are more likely to than pay phones. And I really don't want to get cancer.

As well all know, unemployment is a serious problem here in the United States. Officially at ten percent, unofficially as high as twenty, we need all the jobs we can get. The death of the payphone has signaled the death of dozens of good American jobs. You remember Carrot Top and that guy who is married to Courtney Cox. You know, 1-800-Collect and 1-800-Call Att. What the hell are those guys going to do for work. They are probably just sitting at home, soaking up unemployment. What about all the ladies manning the phones when you press "0" on a pay phone? What are they doing? Their nails? Praying that the phone will ring so they can tell some snot-nosed kid that yes, their refrigerator is running, so they may keep their job and continue to support their family. Think of those good American workers before you go trashing an entire industry Tom-O.

You bastard.

Also, payphones score high on the badassness scale. Which in my opinion is the most important facet of life. Have you ever met someone who doesn't have a cellphone, and relies exclusively on the use of payphones when in public? I did. It was really, really cool. I can't really provide any specifics to this end, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

And, as is customary, anything that I arbitrarily deem to be badass is henceforth bestowed this great honor:

VERDICT:
UNDERRATED