I admit - I am sort of stealing this from a recent Mailbag of ESPN's Sports Guy Bill Simmons.
But that won't change the fact that I am right in rating the first woman to shave her legs.
It probably happened a long time ago, in a galaxy, not so far away. (In fact, i'm sure it was this galaxy, this planet.)
It was a woman - a single woman. A lonely woman. A woman who had her eyes set on a strapping young lad, but struggled to woo him. (And given that it was likely so long ago it wouldn't be politically correct for a woman to woo a man anyways.)
She was desperate. She was in love. She thought long and hard about the best way to attact the young lad's eye.
And then it hit her. Like a bolt of lighting. Get rid of the hair on her legs. It can't be the hair on her head, no dude wants to date Patrick Stewart. But the hair on her legs, that could go. It serves no purpose. Its not like it keeps you warm. Its nasty. Nobody really likes it. Its expendable.
So she does it. She gets the strapping young lad. She gets married. She lives happily ever after. And She owes it all to the crazy idea of having uncommonly smooth legs.
Then BOOM! a phenomenom of leg shaving sweeps the planet. Women everywhere hear of this improbable tale of a woman doing one seemingly easy act and landing the man of her dreams. So everyone starts doing it.
It comes to the point where if a woman DOESN'T shave her legs she's at a distinct disadvantage socially.
Flash forward to today. Here we are. A society where woman shave their legs but men somehow don't have to. And we owe it all to that first woman who dared to dream.
Thank you, Abigal Adams.
VERDICT:
UNDERRATED
I was really hoping an enormous feminist backlash would unleash itself upon the comments section. But it doesn't look like that is happening.
ReplyDeleteWomen are stupid.
Maybe that'll get 'em going.
I agree I enjoy having smooth legs. What's more underrated is the first chick to shave her arm pits. Pit hair is something I believe EVERYONE should shave. It is disgusting. ps- joe you're a dick.
ReplyDeleteYeah Rizzo you ARE a dick!
ReplyDeleteDon't you know that Thursday night is 'sewing circle/grey's atanomy/lifetime/brownie baking/high heel wearing/lessons on how to only speak when spoken to' night for women across America?
...Now that oughta REALLY get 'em goin...you lovely brauds and your temper....
TomO. A late note to say I appreciate the allusion to Mad Dog. Also Uncommonly Smooth.
ReplyDeleteHaha thanks Emma!
ReplyDeleteI was hoping someone would catch it.
I think everyone should have to shave their arm pits, at least if they are going to wear a tank top. After spending some recent time in the Redneck Riviera (Northern Florida) I noticed that chunks of white deoderant in men's arm pubes when they are motioning for the bartender is the grosses thing EVER.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. I think different rules should apply for men and women.
ReplyDeleteNamely - Men don't have to groom themselves but have to accept that no matter what they do they are not beautiful We're nasty awkward ass creatures.
Whereas women should have to groom themselves properly...But are all accepted as the beautiful people they are. Seems fair right?
i like me a shaved snatch... who was the first woman to do that? i hope she was hot!
ReplyDelete